Friday, May 23, 2008

The Dandelion of the Computer World

Right now we're obviously in this economic slump. But despite the financial straps people have had to put on their budgets a few things remain as necessities. First, people still need food. Granted, even though food prices are going up and the rate at which people are eating out may have declined (not for me unfortunately), people still need food. The big fuss that everyone seems to be talking about is the price of gas. Here in the Treasure Valley, we don't have a lot of options because public transportation is so poor. But the two inevitable things that you know will be brought up in that conversation with your distant relatives are the weather and the price of gas. The last necessity that seems to be surviving this economic crunch is Cartridge World. I don't know how this franchise has survived. They're everywhere! In fact, there are probably more of them than there are McDonald's. I have a lot of trouble understanding the business plan of Cartridge World. So your printer runs out of ink, and you need new stuff; do you automatically think..."I need to go to Cartridge World?" I for one generally think Wal-mart...or something of the like. But evidentally people have and continue to support this business. Its a baffling success. Why do people continue to buy cartridges for their computers? Perhaps I'm just out of the loop and there is a world of cartridges waiting for me to discover them...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Theme Songs

Sometimes I feel as though everyone should have their own theme song. As you watch people walk around and operate in their daily lives, you can imagine what song might be playing in the background of their documentary movie about their life. I think that everyone has a theme song, but they're not always easy to identify. Here's a list of few that I've come up with...I think that you'll enjoy them. If you have more ideas, let me know. I also have had trouble coming up with my own theme song...perhaps you have some insight.

“Here I Go Again”-Vinny
“Yellow Submarine”-Marc Herring
“Trolley Wood”-Jojo
“Puff the Magic Dragon”-Stephanie Rooks
“Duck Tales Theme Song”-Rachel Jacobsen
“Cope Cabana”-Char Harvey
“Two Pina Coladas”-Austin Zander
“Theme Song from Lavern & Shirley”-Pastor Char Grove
“Iris”-Kyle Rooks
“Jesus Take the Wheel”-Kristen Brewer
"World Spins Madly On"-Kylee Pearson
"Jump (For My Love)"-Claire Griffith

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Watering Hole

I think that I have a certain amount of pride now that I'm a post-graduate. Things that use to be kosher are no longer acceptable in my mind. For instance, tipping a server 10% because it's all that you can give them seems hardly appropriate anymore. When you're in college and you have no money, some of these things can slide. But for some odd reason, I don't like being belittled or put in a box. I hate walking into a restaurant with friends and having a server look at us like, "Oh man...this table is hardly worth the time." I have waited tables, and believe me, sometimes you think these things.

But the best way to top it all off is to come in and sit down in a party of five or more. You are acting your usual jovial self, and as the server comes back to take drink by one you all chime back "just water for me". Some people think that it has the reverse effect if you say "...with lemon", but c'mon's still just water. Now, perhaps this is just my insecurity birthed out of pride, but sometimes I order a drink that I don't really want, just to give a little hope to the server. Is this dumb? Of course it is. But I can't seem to help myself from saying..."I'll take a diet coke."

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Home-boy Stance

Perhaps I will be ridiculed for this...and perhaps no one else has ever noticed this. But Giordi, if you read this, you know I'm right. There is a particular stance that I have begun to label as the "home boy or home girl" stance. In other words, homeschooled stance. Granted, there are other people that execute this stance that are simply shy or socially awkward, but I tend to find that most of these individuals are indeed home boys and girls. If you would like to attempt this stature, please do the following:

1. Stand with feet one to three inches apart.
2. Bend your right knee slightly in towards your other knee.
3. As you do so, drop your left arm to your side...let it dangle.
4. Then take your right hand and grab your left elbow/forearem behind your back.

Congratulations! You have done it! Now, I don't exactly know why this is the case...but it is. Watch for it. You see people of all ages executing this particular stance. Happy watching.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Call me barbaric or chauvinistic...but I prefer meat-eater!

Perhaps it has something to do with my upbringing in good ole eastern Washington, but I really love steak. I realized that I crave steak so often. As cliché or redneck as it may sound, I really could eat steak every night. Growing up, we always had a full freezer of meat. Whether it was pheasant, fish, beef, chicken, or venison, there seemed to be an endless supply. Hunting was a must-do in the town of Pomeroy, and all-in-all, I took for granted what assurance hunting brought to my appetite.

Since then, I have moved away from my beloved Washington, and settled in a mid-sized city. Now don’t get me wrong, Idaho is still very much a “huntin’ state”, but I think I may live in the one area of the entire state that is anti-killing. You take Weiser, Idaho and they’re going to have you over for dinner with a big, ole wild turkey as the main course. You brave the hospitality of Fruitland, Idaho and you’re going to see three barefoot kids running down the highway with a dead raccoon and rattlesnake in hand, being chased by their moo-moo, wearin’ ma. But you travel to Hyde Park and all you see are “COEXIST” stickers and “Vote for Clinton” paraphernalia.

Needless to say, even though I may have a freezer full of livestock (or as Stephanie likes to call it, “flesh”), our neighbors might look down on us if they knew the abundance of frozen life we have in our kitchen. But regardless of the imagined opposition of our neighbors, steak is amazing! Its good right off the grill or next-day-cold; I can always eat it. But when there is a shortage of steak I have discovered a more than adequate replacement. Jerky is always a good road trip, take-with-you steak replacement. However, jerky’s cousin, the beef nugget is so much more flavorful and far less credited. The name “beef nugget” may scare you…as it did me, but you must get over the fear of the nugget, because the only thing more wonderful is actual steak. Embrace your inner caveman…when you can’t get a smoked turkey leg from the fair…walk down to your local Stinker Station and grab yourself a pack of nuggets.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Chalk One Up!

I know that for many people the sound of fingernails on a chalk board is excruciating. And for Kyle, the sound of felt or cotton gives him the heebie-jeebies. Although, I'd never heard of know the hologram stickers and things that change when you tilt them in different directions? The sound that a fingernail makes across it (zip, zip), Keila can't handle. It makes her pee her pants. Well, not really, but...she hates it. We all have sounds that for some reason or another resonate in us so negatively that our blood pressure rises and we want to escape. For me, this sound can be found while partaking in eating. Growing up, I always hated putting the dishes away because of the clanking of silverware. Since then, my peeve has evolved...I now am unable to cope with the sound some make while scraping their teeth off the end of their fork or biting things off of their spoon. For some reason, I literally get sick to my stomach. Good ole Emily made me dry heave a few times when we lived together for the summer...out of all of us, I think I was the only one that was troubled by this noise infraction that summer. But I ask of you...why not use your lips? Or your tongue? Your teeth are not needed to eat with a fork!

Friday, May 9, 2008

The Nose Knows

I'm pretty sure that I was not the only 5 year old in the 80s that succumbed to watching the Pound Puppies. There was something awesome about Howler, Cooler, and Bright Eyes. They were young, hip, and so much fun. But there was one snooty dog that I never had an affinity for...the Nose Marie. She could always sniff things out even as a kid, it didn't totally make sense.

Since growing up (a little), I have realized that having a good sense of smell is kind of a curse. Sure there are useful things that come with such a gift. For instance, everything that is said to be "unscented" is never in fact unscented. So be aware of don't want to walk around with weird smelling lotion all over you. When this happens, you just want to yell, "It was supposed to be unscented!" We value good, touch, hearing...but when it comes to smell, it's not a good thing. Here's why:

1. You're always the first to smell a fart. No matter how old you get, a little thought creeps into your mind was probably them, they're the ones that smelled it first. You know, "the one that smelled it, dealt it." Mature, I know.
2. When you walk by an unkept person...and you can smell them as you pass by.
3. When you walk by a teenager that just shopped at Abercombie & Fitch.
4. You know those times when you really have to go to the bathroom; so you stop by a reststop and use the bathroom. How many of you have played the game to see if you can hold your breath the entire time you run into the bathroom, drop drawers, and execute?
5. When you're dieting or fasting and all you can do is smell food everywhere you go. I know that this can't happen, but I think I can smell food through the television screen sometimes.
6. Picking up dog poop in you yard. It seems like since there's open air, that you really shouldn't be able to smell it very much. But lets be honest; you do. So now you have a choice, do you choose to smell it...or choose to inhale it through your mouth...where you eat/taste? Dilemma.

Overall, having an over-active smeller is hard to cope with. You're faced with hard decisions everyday. Do you tell someone their breath stinks? Do you eat something without smelling it first? Or do you let that co-worker of yours know they smell like their pet(s)? What's a nose to do?

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Who wants a round thing in their face...just to get sprung?

In the passed few years, we've seen songs such as No Scrubs turn into No Pigeons; and "Umb-er-ella" transform into the lyrical genius of "Cin-der-ella". These are all dismal attempts if you ask me. But in all seriousness, it seems as though we are much more likely to change a song produced/written/performed by a girl into a chauvinistic melody than we are the other way around. Perhaps this is because most songs written about girls are somewhat degrading...but with the rise in "girl power" music, why has it not been covered? Why is it that we haven't ever taken a song like "Baby Got Back" by Sir-Mix-a-Lot and turned it into something about women liking "big boys". I'll tell you why, because women don't. I've yet to meet a woman who is genuinely attracted to a man with a "juicy double". Let's be honest...there are those guys that have "Baby Got Back" as their anthem by blasting it as their ringtone. As for women...they don't want big buns...sorry Pillsbury, but you're out of luck.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

out of TOUCH and drenched in SMELL

Perhaps this is the first sign that I am at the starting line of being out of touch with teenagers. I remember five years ago when I was an assistant manager at Abercrombie and Fitch and I thought that my dad was so out of touch because he consistently called it Abercrombie and Finch. And now today, five years later, I find myself questioning a couple different things about this "clothing" company. First of all, I got summoned to testify when many different law suits were taking place regarding the physical appearance of the employees versus those who did not get hired. And in all actuality, every retail place I have worked for asks that the employees look the part. It's kind of like that old saying, "Never trust a skinny chef."

But secondly, is the younger generation all of sudden unable to smell? If you walk by the Abercrombie or Hollister stores in the mall, you smell like them just walking by their entrances. Its not really luring, but I suppose it does help directionally. It's not just the stores themselves, but the frequent shoppers as well. There are times when you walk by that guy with his popped collar hand-in-hand with his girlfriend and destroyed denim mini-skirt...and the smell radiating from their pores pollutes the air for an entire block. Do you put one squirt of the overly-expensive, generally not long lasting fragrance and decide that's enough? Then the next day you don't smell it anymore so you put on three squirts...then four...then five. In a couple months you'll be puttin' on full bottles of the dang stuff. And when this happens, we get that couple walking around, oblivious to all of the flowers they're killing with their odor as they pass them.

Let's be honest...forget worrying about the sexually suggestive advertising they're causing American teens to accustom to--what about the physical downfall of smell they're marketing to young people. There are many other things to disagree with when it comes to this company (i.e. the "models" baring close to everything welcoming you at the front of the store). All I have to say is protest all you want...but I'm pretty sure my sense of smell is on top of my priority list of protecting.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Christina says, "Wanna get dirty..."

Today, we live in a country where cleanliness has almost gone out of style. We've even reformed and progressed passed what many would call the "Grunge" phase. Other countries such as China are bringing people in to teach about hygiene and the importance of being clean. But here in America, parents are supposed to do this task...and clean has almost begun to go out of style.

The other day, I was talking with some friends about how Stephanie should keep the possibility of dreads open. Many of our friends think this is a terrible idea. They think that Stephanie has beautiful hair already...which she does. But in my mind, dreads are not the option you do because you have bad hair...but just another hairstyle to consider. There are clean and dirty dreads; it all depends on what you want. But it is weird to me that aside from dreads, bed head and unwashed hair is kind of a style. I admit, I fall into this stereotype sometimes, but why is it that we are okay with dirty hair, but not other dirty things. Could our society have just as easily made dirty feet or dirty armpits a trend? So do you have dirty hair?